The best thing about nudist beaches is that they do away with the usual “am-I-too-old-to-wear-a-bikini? He’d clearly been inspired by those African tribeswomen who wear rings on their necks to aid elongation.

The most important advice to remember on a nudist beach is to slather factor 50 sunscreen on everything; otherwise you’ll soon have a hotter arse than Kim Kardashian.On Main beach, you can take yoga and capoeira classes, try fire dancing or consult naturopaths, mediums and healers.

I eventually got the courage to lift my open book to an inch below my eyes, like a detective on a stakeout, for a closer scrutiny of the tattoo art on display. Especially when pods of dolphins shoot the waves beside you, guaranteeing an endorphin or, rather, endolphin high.Most of the female nudists were flaunting elaborately bejewelled vajazzles (glittery pubes) or a regulation Brazilian, which resembles a landing strip for a mosquito. I opted for a crawl back up the beach like a jungle commando dodging enemy fire, my face a few inches from the sand.

What makes Byron perfect for your first nudist beach experience is that it’s one of the most laid-back places on the planet.The main upside to getting older is learning to love the skin you’re in and the knowledge that it’s pointless worrying about your figure because body fads come in one era . And splashing through the surf in the buff is an exhilarating blast of bliss that will stay with you for ever. Then, just to be really kinky, I fantasised about other people putting their clothes back on as well.

And the male gaze is less laser-like on a nudist beach too, as men find their own anatomy coming under female scrutiny, for a change. At the iconic Raes restaurant we devoured what we’d been skinny-dipping with earlier — yellowfin tuna crudo (spiced with finger lime), seared grouper (with bronze fennel), bay lobster glazed in chilli spiced sea urchin .I’d also been worried Liz was going to force-feed me Goopy Gwynnie-type bone broth with the occasional nibble of organic, nonirradiated, biodynamic, fairtrade tofu.